Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
