in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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