Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
