For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
