I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
