i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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