Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
