she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
