In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
