the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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