But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
