White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
