You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
