You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
