That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
