Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
