I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
