u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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