fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
