Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
