i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
