actually, I'm a sock model
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
