just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
