I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
