Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
