I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
