oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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