Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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