Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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