no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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