I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
