I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
