The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
