I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
