just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
