My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
