I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
