i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pooping to opera.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
