ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
