My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
