I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
