I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
