I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
