did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
