Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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