Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
