hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
