Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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