i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
