"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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