Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
