Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
